Relationships Matter
Relationships matter.
They help you can get more things done. Having learned this many years ago while in the military, I was quick to realize that knowing the right people was very beneficial. Using just the chain of command was not always the most effective way of getting things done when needed. These were not nefarious relationships like Hollywood tries to show — the ones where the hero or heroine happens to know somebody who knows somebody that provides the much-needed thing or has the inside scoop that they need to be successful. Yet, it is still relationships that allow them to be successful. These are the relationships that are built on trust, on respect. Even the relationships that are built on blood, sweat, and tears. From those deep experiences that you know that you can trust the other person implicitly.
Relationships and politics are aligned. Even when you hear or read the word politics your first thought is immediately about what is happening in local or national government. As much as we hate to admit it the relationships that you see in those arenas allow things to get done. The relationships may not be as real, they may not be as deep, and there is most certainly a bit of cronyism, but they are relationships. Those relationships matter. Bills get passed, alliances get made laws get passed. Things happen because of relationships. The same happens in your workplace, the same happens in your community, the same happens on your local soccer team. Perhaps think of politics and relationships more as diplomacy — the art and skill of dealing with people in a sensitive and effective way.
The command-and-control world is not always the most effective way to get things done. You need external relationships, those relationships that are outside of your typical hierarchical structures. It is knowing the people on the outside of your immediate sphere of influence. Those people that are connected on your web of contacts, able to provide various bi-directional forms of information — remember it is not just about you. These are the nodes, the people you relate to, that are on your network that you can call on to get additional information, to get computers fixed or software loaded, to release certain documents, to help get something shipped, and even a ride to and from work. All those relationships are the things that get done.
Sometimes there are actions or activities that are outside the procedures, outside the rules limiting your ability to be effective, limiting your ability to complete your actions. It is the hidden world outside the block diagrams that you should be following, however, your trump card is that you now happen to have a relationship with someone that can help. Even though you have those procedures, step A, step B, step C, those particular steps are sometimes the bureaucracy that you need assistance navigating. Rather than fight your way through the cumbersome cesspool that may masquerade as “process” — and there is always a process — by knowing the right person and having a real, symbiotic relationship with that “right” person that owns those particular steps, can help guide you through those landmines allowing you to get your work accomplished and enabling you and your organization to be more effective.
As much as you cringe at the thought “relationships matter,” you need to build those relationships. Face it, you are unable to do everything yourself. You cannot rely only on you and the rigid structure that exists within most organizations. You need to learn to use the white space around those structures; to be able to use that charisma that charm that you were born with and build those relationships with those that can help accomplish actions as needed. Think of synergy. Think of those opportunities to get more done when you have help.
I can’t stand politics!
Guess what!?! Your friendships are effectively the foundations for politics. We use our friendships and relationships every day to get what we need. Think of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Your relationships help that pyramid become whole. Try the converse. You are angry, and you yell at or argue with your peers, or the ones close to you. You have a tumultuous relationship with someone when you ask him or her a question, who has the absolute information that you need. Go ahead, ask them to help you accomplish something. Do you think that they are going to help you? No.
Remember humans are messy. We are full of emotion, full of biases. We wear all sorts of masks and look at things through filters that affect our relationships every day. Recognize those frailties of us humans. Realize that relationships matter. You have to learn how to build relationships. We self-segregate, but we need to go outside those circles. We know that technical people tend to crowd around technical people just like sales and marketing crowd around sales and marketing. The politics are real and alive and they exist in our everyday work and lives and not just in government.
Now What?
Go to lunch. Find someone in another group, on another team, on a different floor from your traditional stomping grounds, and ask them to lunch, or coffee. Take that uncomfortable first step to meet someone you do not know. Extend an olive branch to those you have been in combat with. Work through the differences. Be frank, be open. Listen and hear what they have to say. Be respectful and learn to work with the differences that exist between each of us. Build those relationships — because relationships matter!
Go forth and be brilliant
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