Humans are Messy

“painting of man” by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Face it, we humans are a messy lot. We are a train wreck of sound and fury. Yet we are innately capable of amazing things — and we have opposable thumbs.

Because humans are messy, we need to learn to be effective, especially when we need to accomplish tasks. We need to consider and take the effort to walk around in the shoes of others — to be inside of their skin and take on their worldview. Having an empathetic perspective helps us grow and connect. Leaders and managers need to understand the delicate balances of how their direct reports react to information, whilst also understanding the nuances of diplomacy and political marshes surrounding them created by their own peers and superiors. In order to succeed, we need to listen and pay attention.

Why?

Filters and biases warp our worlds.

“person lying down on white surface” by mwangi gatheca on Unsplash

We all have emotions. We also have filters and biases. Usually, we mean well but we also get in our own way and sabotage our own efforts. We are trying to go too fast without all the information. When we do that, we make errors, causing delays, setting fires to the bridges behind us. So what do we do? Stick our heads in the sand? Curl up in a fetal position and pull the covers back over our heads and hope the day goes away?

No.

We get up and we try again. We try to use respect. We try to have open communication, interpersonal communication. We do this to help build relationships, because relationships matter. We need to make an effort to communicate face-to-face, which is always the best. That way we can use verbal and non-verbal cues while connecting with our friends, families, and co-workers. If that fails, or distance separates you, use real-time voice communication — the phone or Skype or Zoom, Facebook Live — something. Although you have an electronic filter, it still provides that interpersonal link. If real-time communication is unavailable, asynchronous methods such as instant messages, and then email and — yikes!- snail mail. Each of these methods has its advantages and disadvantages. Admittedly, these advantages and disadvantages are person specific. You just need to figure out what works best for the audience you are with. It may be as simple as asking them.

Try it.

However, developing these relationships, to grow these communication pathways, we have a few physical and psychological traps and barriers that we need to understand and navigate.

Filters — my filters and your filters are different. We have had different lives, different upbringing. Because of those filters, we see each other in different colors. We hear certain words, even when they are unsaid. We see things that are not really there, but they are, right at the edge of our consciousness that we have been attuned to because of the lives we live.

Biases — we all suffer from biases, relating to what we believe versus what is considered fact. Those things that keep us in the rut of life, the people we live with, the ones we surround ourselves with. That stems from biases. Biases are not neutral, but extreme to one side or the other and almost unmoving from that position. An analogy are bias-ply tires and how they follow pre-existing ruts in the road. They are harder, less conforming, and tend to not be as forgiving as modern radial tires. Think of anchoring which is also a type of bias. Unmoving from a particular position. Anchored. Ignoring the pressures around you. Or of cognitive biases, continued or repetitive “faux pas” or missteps of the wrong judgments, illogical or irrational arguments. This is probably occurring more than you think, especially when you have to make snap decisions. Your cognitive bias would allow you to make a decision quickly, yet it most likely is not the most accurate decision or choice. Cognitive biases corrupt all of us every day and we need to fight to remove that lens. Open your eyes and open your mind.

Fame, Fortune, Greed — these cause their own storm of behaviors that lead into the biases discussed above. The blind pursuit of fame and fortune blinds us of those things around us that are most important. But when you have these blinders on, you are also not paying attention to the cloud of chaos surrounding you, destroying the relationships of those closest.

Drama! Emotions and feelings. Love and Hate, Anger and Sex. FEAR! Um, admittedly these speak for themselves. There is such a thin line between love and hate. Sex and Anger tend to release similar brain chemicals that warp our rational minds (assuming we are rational) and turn us into a flooded chemical mess. Fear — we don’t need no stinking fear around here, yet fear paralyzes us.

Face it, we are complicated. We are messy. But by learning about these biases, these filters, these chemical processing plants inside our heads, helps us better understand and allows us to connect. Learn how to be in tune with yourself. Learn to open your eyes. Learn to open your ears to listen, hear, and understand.

To build relationships…because relationships matter.

Go forth, be brilliant.