It is Okay to Say No…Sometimes

When our boss* comes to us to ask you to do something, do you ever say no?

It is probably depending on which boss that it is, but most of us probably say “yes” and do the work. 

We say "yes" even though we already have a plateful of work in front of us, and falling behind on the similar work. It is rare that a person says “no” to the boss and we need to figure out how that balance can be beneficial for both relationships.

For those of you that say “no” outright, this is for you, too.

“You are the best and I need you to get this done” by rawpixel on Unsplash

Most people realize that work is necessary. It provides us with the currency to purchase stuff.

Important stuff like food, shelter, and clothing. It allows us to purchase things we want too, the toys like a medium format digital camera or a tranquility pod. We do not want to lose that opportunity to earn that paycheck. We do what we can to provide the right answer to keep us in good graces with the boss and the business. So we say “yes” to everything.

Why?

“No” photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash

If you are in the position that gives your boss the level of trust that they can come to you and you.will.get.it.done. Hell or high water, you figure out a way to do it. Yet, in that effort, you have allowed other work to slip. Or you try to multitask, becoming less efficient at those other tasks.

You drop the things that were more important yesterday or last week, yet are still needed to work on this new thing. You want to be able to finish that other work, but there seems to be a neverending flow of crisis projects, a continual “we have got to have this by X:00, can you do it?” How many times over your career has the boss came to you 30 minutes or so before going home — “hey I need X, can you have it by the morning?” Ugh.

You certainly have the skills, the capability of doing anything. MacGuyver has nothing on you. No matter what the challenge, you are up for it. Do you know how to fix the copier? Nope, but you can figure it out.

Do you know how to set up international shipping — never done it before, but sure, why not.

Can you sequence this genome using FISH, SAGE, or ELISA, an abacus and a used popsicle stick? Probably not, but let’s give it a try.

You find a way.

The side effect of saying “yes” all the time is that you become a crutch. You are supporting someone else in their efforts and they need to lean on you, heavily, in order to be successful. Okay, not an issue so much. But when it begins to affect your work, you start to stress out a little. I really need to get this done too, you think. You leave work barely accomplishing the latest thing, but in the back of your mind, you know you have a laundry list of unfinished work. There are now nine more things to complete tomorrow, instead of three, generating even more stress, distress from not completing your work.

That increased stress is causing bodily harm to you, mentally and physically. You lash out at your friends and family because of the stress. Eventually, all the times you say “yes” degrades your performance, and you have too many “priorities” — things that are all rated a 10 on the importance scale, and you get nothing completed. If you say yes to everything, and everything is a priority, then nothing is completed and nothing is important. A vicious cycle that resembles a swirl going down the drain.

So what do we do now smart guy?

Learn how to say “no” because that will save your life. You do not have to be a jerk about the word “no”, you just have to learn how to balance the priorities and determine what is the most important thing. Do not give a lame excuse about why you say no — just learn how to be sure to understand that in this case, no means yes while providing an opportunity to be successful for both parties, the asker and the doer.

“negotiation” photonby rawpixel on Unsplash

Here are some ways you can learn how to say no. The best method is to use collaboration, which helps build relationships, and relationships matter. Negotiation is also a great method, you are not saying no, so much as you are saying “if I can do this, instead will you do that instead”. A bit of give and take. You help find a way to complete it but at a different time.

Alternative methods are also strong. Trying to find a different solution or offering to find a different solution. This may play into your ability to leverage previous work you have done, or with a different person. Outright no is the tough ones. This is the last resort, as it shuts the door and is not a collaborative effort, and is usually a cry for help. Here are some simple ways to say “no”:

1. No, I cannot do it right now, but I can do it Wednesday at 10am.
2. No, but I can if you do X for me.
3. No, but I can do this, will that be equivalent/acceptable?
4. No, but Samantha can do it, she is capable.
5. No, but we can have our subcontractors do it by tomorrow/next week/next month
6. No, because I did it already, and it can be found….
7. No, sorry, I have to finish this other work
8. No, but if I know the priorities, I can better schedule an acceptable solution
9. No, I need help, there is too much to do.

“group of people doing fist bumps because we are awesome” by rawpixel on Unsplash

Trying just these few for practice may provide you the experience on how to say “no.” In reality, you really are not saying “no” so much as you are saying “yes, if” which keeps the doors open and helps strengthen those around you.

It allows the work to be shared, level-loading the organization and builds the skillsets of those around you that are not as capable. It reduces your workload. It provides the business with more opportunities and it allows it to grow because you are no longer the bottleneck. It gives your boss more faith in those around you. It strengthens relationships with your coworkers and builds camaraderie.

Go forth and be brilliant.

*Boss — this is defined as your working boss, business owner, customer, husband, wife, son, daughter, mother, father or any combination thereof.