Step away from the keyboard! - Fire Burns

Have you ever sent a flaming email? Have you ever received one of those flame emails? How did you feel when you wrote that evil email? Did you feel powerful?  Did you feel that you were in a better position after sending it, letting the world (your recipient) feel your fury?  Did it make your arguments stronger? How about when you receive one of those emails? How does that make you feel about being on the receiving end of a flaming email or of an angry letter? What sort of flooded feeling did the email give you?  Did you feel the anger boiling inside? The dropped feeling like your guts were liquefied?  Think about the end result, was the objective reached?

Mark Twain and Abraham Lincoln were some of the many notable figures in history to learn the art of writing this poison pen letter.  Yet most often those letters were never sent.  Each of these men and others understood the purpose and reason of writing these letters.  They also understood the gravity of the letter and what it would do if they had completed those letters by sending them on to the intended recipients.  Yet that is what sets them apart from anyone of us who has decided to hit the send button on our Twitter accounts, on our Instant Message and our e-mail systems, delivering that Mr. Yuk message instantaneously to the intended audience.  Mark Twain and Lincoln recognized that writing the letter was an outlet. It was an opportunity to put their feelings in words, but also realizing that it provided the necessary outlet to allow internal emotions calm and cool.

I've written those poison pen letters myself in the brash, younger and dumber days of my youth.  The results were expected but certainly not optimal - I knew what was going to happen as soon as I hit the  button.  I correctly surmised the consequences of those actions.  From that experience, I recommend you do not do what I did, and not send that message.

Those poison pen letters, those emotional vitriol-filled words that are torched on that sheet of paper or as pixels on the screen, are toxic.  Poisonous.  How you treat those words once they become that glaring contrast against a clean background, what you do with that poison gives an indication of the leader you are to become.  Taking that pause, taking that effort to stop and let those words percolate through your system, looking at it empathetically gives you a different perspective.

Recognizing the day that you have to write one of those letters, taking the time to let it rest gives you a chance to recover from that emotional flooding.  It allows your brain and body to become uniform again instead of the lizard brain completely taking over and wanting to have that fight (or flight).  When emotions overrule us, it makes it very difficult to think rationally. Sending that poison pen letter is the opposite of rational.  The letters spewed makes you feel good at the moment, maybe making you feel that your argument is the only argument and that you are correct in every sense.  What you will likely discover is a destroyed relationship, that you burned that bridge.  Remember, relationships matter. 

It is true that certain nuggets of truth are  found within those feverous scribblings.  By taking that 24-hour* (minimum - YMMV) pause gives you that opportunity to go back and look at that letter again and tease out those important facts.  That time allows you to think more clearly without emotions. By removing emotion it gives you the opportunity to grow.  Then you can understand your view of those facts and balance them against the possible worldview of the intended recipient.  These very rarely ever match.

Put down the mouse.  Step away from the keyboard.  Take a walk.  Find a confidant and vomit your fears and anger all over her, let her help you down from that cliff.  No matter what, do not hit .